And on this page, I ask you for your money. I want money (zomg lots and lots of money). I want to fly in the sky. Amongst other things.
But seriously, this money will be used to pay for the costs of maintaining this website (which are not minimal at this point and I just started the damned thing!) and to help me pay mah bills.
What bills, pray-tell? Well, I have massive student loan debt, credit card debt, medical debt, and then just like, personal debt. And I want to buy my condo and have a reasonable car and cloth myself in clothing that is not junky because I do have to look quasi-professional for my day job.
And my blog posts will only get better if I can afford to wear the costume I imagine myself wearing when writing, guys. Help me set the mood!
So, I’ve come up with a couple of ways you can contribute to this blog that will enable me to do all the things, and motivate me to keep creating quasi-literate, crude, and verbally abusive rants about all my favorite topics.
- COMMISSION A BLOG ON YOUR FAVORITE TOPIC! You can pay me money to write about things you want me to write about. Basically, you are my patron, and I write at your precious request! Let me preface this by saying I will write about pretty much anything, but I do have my limits so you might get refunded if your topic is not something I care to discuss. Also, you can give me a topic, and even make special requests, but my thoughts on the topic are my own. For instance, if you request I write a long post praising President Trump, you will totally get a very long post praising him. But that praise is likely not going to be what you expect it to be about, and at the moment I can’t imagine anything that isn’t also going to be fairly backhanded. You take what you get, no takesy-backsies.
- You can pay me using PayPal! When you get your PayPal receipt, forward it to my email (below) along with your requested topics and comments. Once I’ve verified payment, I will begin work on the post, soon to be published and shared with the masses (along with personal thanks to you!).
COMMISSION YOUR VERY OWN SHINY NEW POST ABOUT STUFF AND THINGS
For every $15, I will provide you with at least 500 sparkling, vivacious, and whimsical words on the topic of your choice, as described in further detail above. Also, the words could be angry and profane. Or sincere and quasi-intelligent. You decide the topic, not my opinion on it, Linda!
- DONATE MONEY TO ME JUST ‘CAUSE! You can donate to this blog just because you like it. For instance, let’s say right now as I’m writing this, I have (maybe) fifteen or so people reading my posts. And obviously, every single person loves it as it is amusing and delightful or whatever. So, you come to this page, and you hit the little PayPal donate button below, and you give me a little monetary thrill. I mean, a dollar or so for all the laughs you get from each post? A little something, paid to me in a secure way– what’s the harm?
YOUR DONATION IS MY MONETIZATION
In just one dollar increments, you could help decrease a morbidly obese middle-aged homosexual’s massive debt load.
Because really, think about it folks. The more money I have, the more things I will be able to do, which will cause more experiences and, as all my life experiences turn out to be in some way farcical disasters, it will just equal more laughs from you! I highly encourage providing me funding. And I will be very grateful for every penny, but a dolla makes me holla. Thank you for playing!